Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Express Yourself

Express what you've got, b'coz if the right time is gone... you'll regret it.
If its happiness, share it.
If its sorrow, cry over it.
If its a joke, laugh at it.
If its defeat, learn from it.
If its love, say it.
If its a loss, confront it.
If its success, enjoy it.
If you are angry, yell at him.
If its an emotion, express it!



Do you often feel like your emotions are out of control? Do you fly off the handle at people who don't necessarily deserve it? Do you blow up over minor incidents? Do you find yourself wanting to cry over Anything ? Or maybe you're at the other extreme. Do you find it hard to get worked up over anything? Do you feel numb even though something upsetting has happened? Do you have every right to be furious, but you just don't feel anything? Are you cold in your responses, when a major reaction is expected out of you?

Experiencing and expressing emotions are integral parts of life. Yet, for many people, emotions remain mysterious, confusing, and difficult to express constructively. One should learn to incorporate emotions into your life in healthy ways, including how to express them in ways that are conducive to building healthy relationships.

For instance, in love its not always the diamond rings or the bed of roses. What you need is a big strong hand to lift you to a higher ground, Its that small hug/kiss which makes you feel special. Its the expression of love , expressing what you've got, whether ready or not... So you can respect yourself.

Another example is sorrow. Sorrow about a recent loss may evoke sadness from past losses. Rather than ignore or exaggerate your feelings, it is helpful to be able to take your feelings as they are, accept them, think about them, and learn from them.

Often feelings are more of interpretations of events more than to the events themselves. We see things the way we want to see them. Your interpretations can be made so rapidly and so automatically that you may not realize they are happening. Infact these interpretations or judgements are the culprits of the misunderstandings. So say what you feel, dont beat round the bush. Be direct, being straightforward may sound rude... but in the long run it helps. Theres nothing wrong in giving voice to the language of your heart, no harm in shedding tears or laughing at yourself.

Just as you have choices about how to interpret an event, you also have options about how to express those feelings you experience. For example, if a close friend is planning to move away, you may feel very sad about that. You have numerous ways of expressing this. For example, you can tell your friend how much you will miss him/her. Also, you can make a special effort to spend more time with him/her. These options may be painful at the time, but they give you the opportunity to express your feelings to your friend. On the other hand, you can avoid the friend until he/she leaves town so you won't have to say good-bye. Or you can stay busy making other friends so you won't miss this particular friend as much after he/she leaves. These choices may allow you to postpone or avoid painful feelings at the time, but they do not provide the opportunity for closure with your friend. The point is that you have options, and it's your decision.

Similarly, if its a great loss/defeat... be it studies, business, any game or even love. Try to confront it, share it and you'll find it easy to handle it. Dont worry about what the world will say. Today they'll mock, but tomorrow when they go through the same... the lesson will be learnt by them the harder way.

You maybe struggling with this process, like anyone else including me. Dont loose heart, be patient. Learning to experience and express your emotions is a life-long process. I'm still learning, just in 1st garde ;) are u even making an effort?

30 Comments:

Blogger Joy Ghosh said...

an important point to ponder upon.. and very nicely written.. bravo :)

5:38 AM, February 02, 2006  
Blogger sumit said...

A very difficult thing to do ... but it is do able ... specially to people whom we are very very close.

Will definately pull out a leaf from this post of yours and make an effort towards reaching this difficult but attainable task

8:51 AM, February 02, 2006  
Blogger kavin said...

Good post dude....draws a lot of positive ways to look at life...
good going and keep it up..
Kavin.

9:50 AM, February 02, 2006  
Blogger Jay said...

very nice thoughts..says a lot

12:43 PM, February 02, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I dont agree completely, if you let your expressions loose, you might say or do things which you would regret later. keeping quite for too long and hiding your emotions is cowardice and telling point blank on the face of what u feel that instant is foolishness. you have to search for a path in between is my point

6:56 PM, February 02, 2006  
Blogger SAL said...

The question is not about reacting with extreme emotions, the point is one should react... let it out; it may be in any proportion. Speaking your heart helps always, thats wat I feel... u r free to disagree.

9:25 PM, February 02, 2006  
Blogger SumEDh said...

bahut hi-fi tha.... thoda upar se gaya. i live life as it comes... wapas ek baar padhta hoon...so that i can learn frm it :(

10:59 AM, February 03, 2006  
Blogger SOO-BEER said...

The views are pretty evident from the first 2 or 3 paras ... the rest of the paras seem to say the same thing again... dont u think so?

6:21 PM, February 03, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was something really worth thinking over... I think it will really take a lot of effort on your part to do this and also extremely difficult.. but as I said before its worth it!! Give a meaning to ur life....

11:03 PM, February 05, 2006  
Blogger SAL said...

I beg to differ soo-beer. First 2-3 paras are just a thought provoking introduction. Then have illustrated with love, sorrow, defeat, etc. as examples. Also, what the true picture is & how we interpret it is different, thats what I'm saying in the remaining half. Had the latter half not been there, it feels like its incomplete to me. Correct me if I'am wrong!

11:06 PM, February 05, 2006  
Blogger Aditya said...

The blog to me is very well written in the authors own way, no doubt about it. But the material is not new.

What would be interesting is to see why the author calls it a "life-long process".

If not anything else, out of curiousity, I, being in kindergarten would like to know how our first grader is learning or to be more specific, what she has learnt to get to first grade.

When does one graduate out of college with the knowledge of this life-long process, I wonder?

1:08 PM, February 06, 2006  
Blogger SAL said...

By 1st garde I meant, 1st step. If u r considering kindergarden, then I'm still at playgroup level. So i guess you should be in a better position to share ur knowledge.

Well, I do share the good-bad-happy-sad of my life with a selected few who understand me & who I trust. I can say anything to them, directly; and they know y I said it... and wat cud've been the coz and consequences.

And yes, I did refer to it as a life-long process, coz in my opinion noone really graduates at this... not even at the death bed.

1:58 PM, February 06, 2006  
Blogger Aditya said...

Two points or rather two questions:

Firstly, was your blog's intent to throw light on people generally expressing themselves emotionally about how they feel in order to build healthy relationships or was it on a personal "good-bad-happy-sad" level to strengthen an already (maybe)healthy relationship? Your original blog seems to me that it is talking about general communication of emotions, but your latest response talks about your expressions with a "select trusted few". Maybe clarity is the name of the game, or maybe its my limited expertise of reading English.

Now that you have touched that matter, most will have someone (select trusted few) to vent / share their emotions. I do not see that as a problem (no doubt there are exceptions)in people.

Secondly, I wonder what use is something when one cannot master it in a life-time. With such ambigious and distant deadlines, could there be a chance that one may not succeed, after all. I agree its better to try than not try. But trying something when it is a "life-long process" and knowing that "noone really graduates at this... not even at the death bed" ?? Makes me wonder.

It is intriguing that expression of emotions needs a life-time/s to graduate. It appears to me from ur statement that it is an impossible task, at the end of the day. How is this entire process monitored in such a case (life long process)? In 10 years lets say, can you look back and say you have made progress? Not saying it is something one can learn in 1 or 2 days, may take a bit of time. But if one trys, results are evident within a few days. Calling it a life-long process drags the entire effort without direction. Just makes me wonder !!!! Hmm!!!

What is the point of "attempting to learn" a personal skill (expression of emotions) when it cannot be implemented on a day to day basis. Such knowledge that cannot be shared or be applied to me is worthless. Calling the skill described in the blog as a life-long process, to me, is an art of procrastination

Just makes me wonder!!!

9:37 PM, February 06, 2006  
Blogger SAL said...

What some may call 'art of procrastination' , I may call it 'slow and steady wins the race'

9:55 PM, February 06, 2006  
Blogger Aditya said...

Is that your answer to both my questions??

6:20 AM, February 07, 2006  
Blogger SAL said...

Lemme make one thing very clear. I dont write blogs to answer ur questions in the comments section.

Its what I strongly believe in. I'm open to discussions, debates, suggestions, views-opinions, comments... but would not appreciate personal interrogation 'aditya'.

10:51 AM, February 07, 2006  
Blogger Aditya said...

I do not see where "personal interrogation" comes into picture.

Lets not digress from the topic.
Since you are open to "debates", lets call it a debate for now and I would like to have your "views-opinions, comments".

I just asked you two SIMPLE questions based on your own writing.

1:53 PM, February 07, 2006  
Blogger G's been rambling! said...

Hi Sal

This is Gautam. Thank you very much for your rich comments on my blog. I've just returned from Mumbai nagariya and am truly blue with homesickness. It pains me to have a rude awakening of how much we leave behind in our quest for knowledge and wealth. I must add that it certainly makes my day to know that someone follows up and reads the stuff that I post. I guess that's why I call it rambling. Glad to know that you're Kavin's friend. This particular Gandhi is one hell of a cromagnon with a raw penchant for tickling the ribs of anyone he comes in contact with. He's a friend for life. Anyways, thanks and I wish you well in all your endeavors.

Best,
Gautam

2:57 PM, February 07, 2006  
Blogger Aditya said...

Dont worry about the first two questions. Didnt expect answers anyways. :)

Just observed, missed it before.

Could you correlate and enlighten me with the "slow and steady wins the race" analogy to the current topic of "debate"?


Thanks!!!

8:47 AM, February 08, 2006  
Blogger Aditya said...

Just because someone stops you and questions you on your "strong belief" doesn't mean they do not support your belief or are against you.

It is possible that you may not know the answer to my questions, which is OK. Nothing wrong about it.

Just wanted to stir up your strong belief a bit. I just caught you off guard didn't I. Getting restless (as your responses clearly indicate) didnt help you or I. It just skewed your thought process. If only you had focused on the issue on deck rather than who wrote it or how it was written, things might have been different.

Just for the record, meant no offence.
Sincere apologies for the tone used.

As I said in my first response, well written blog. Keep up the good work. So Smile, you did a good job!!

Nevertheless, you still owe me 3 answers. More in person!!!

Good Luck and God Bless You.

6:26 AM, February 09, 2006  
Blogger SAL said...

What makes you think that you could stir up my strong belief and get me restless. A few questions can take me offguard, how you wish. Well all I would say is, "You only see what your eyes wanna see..."

And ya, thanx for your wishes :)

8:35 AM, February 09, 2006  
Anonymous ashish said...

hey Sal

good thought but you touch upon too many variables here... communication, actions that validate your feelings, trust, being yourself etc. I think all these things mean different things to different ppl. Key factor is personality. Some ppl can be themselves but most are just trying to fit in & be likable. You can only improve your communication if you think you did anything wrong in the first place. If being likable is most imp to you then you just won't feel its wrong not to express everything & not to be yourself. Similarly how many ppl you express ur feeling to depends on how easy it is for you to trust ppl... & many times level of trust from one side is not the same as the other. those are just e.g. but essentially each individual is unique & everyone is trying to do best they can (in their own eyes). I don't know if it would be better if everyone could be themselves & communicate gr8. I think it would be boring if everything was perfect. I think its intriguing not to know sometimes it just makes knowing that much more exciting.

I try my level best to communicate & I strongly belive most bad things happen due to misunderstanding than evil intent but I have stopped trying to change ppl & advise them to open up...sometimes it better to accept ppl for who they are...

PS: may be I missed the whole point of what you were trying to say... to me it was not very clear

Ashish

9:11 AM, February 09, 2006  
Blogger Aditya said...

The very fact that my questions havent YET yielded any responses from you is indicative of stirring up your strong belief. :)

Because if you did know what to say, you would have said it with the same force that you have used to dodge my comments. The restlessness has thus skewed your thought process. (Just my opinion, not a fact)

Not questioning your "strong" belief's, though. It was evident, though.

As far as "You only wanna see what your eyes wanna see", I know what my eyes wanna see, all this while I am trying to know what "your" eyes (your opinion to my questions) is seeing. And I am still not seeing it. Its not about me, its about you as an author and your blog.

Ashish: Nice observation. Advising does not necessarily mean changing people. Just my opinion. But there are different ways of advising. That is another good topic for a new blog.

10:42 AM, February 09, 2006  
Blogger Vivek said...

good writing ... not very sure if the same rules applies to "If you are angry, yell at him." ... this is one case when one need to have little bit more patience .. there have been instances (atleast with me) when being in an angry state one does/say's something S/he regrets later .. buy ya u can always go upto the person and reason out when u realise it ... so i guess its ok ..

12:07 AM, February 13, 2006  
Blogger SAL said...

Ashish,

I would agree that I touched upon too many variables... but they seemed to be inter-connected to me; not sure if u felt the same. Trusting someone and letting out ur heart is one aspect you are looking at. I'm also bringing up day-to-day communication say with ur room-mate, friend, parents, boss, etc. If you dint communicate minute disagreements/agreements , misundertandings/no-understanding are bound to take a step ahead in future.

Also, I'm not trying to change the world. Trying to share what I've learnt in life... and if it could make that little difference in someone else's life too, why not bring it up?

My bad if I couldnt be clear in my thoughts, couldnt be clear in what I was trying to say. Maybe I'll make a better attempt next time. Thanks, for dropping by though.

9:53 AM, February 13, 2006  
Blogger SAL said...

Vivek,

By "If you are angry, yell at him." I dont exactly mean get really mad at whom you are angry at. For e.g. in a mom-son relationship, if Mom caught the son smoking 1st time... she wud definitely be angry. If she dint yell at her son then & kept it to herself thinking my son has turned into a bad guy & sobbing over it, it wudnt have helped either one. However, had she yelled at her son then... her anger wud've been out and also there is a possibility that son wud feel bad for wat he did & try improve.

May be this is not a gr8 example... but by keeping deep feelings of anger, joy, sorrow, anxiety, ill-feelins, compliments, etc. to myself doesnt help me. If I share it, makes things better. Doesnt leave questions for future, solves the matter right there!

10:01 AM, February 13, 2006  
Blogger meenakshi said...

well written...

u spoke all that u had hidden deep inside u and to some it wasn't clear...good...it shudn't be clear either...everyone has a unique reason to write blogs...u wanna let ur point thru, without having someone give it a personal touch...u need an outlet and thats it! its upto the others to surmise what made u write this...if someone does understand u the way u want him/her to understand u, he will know what made u write all this...

expressions are indeed very important..."if you are angry, yell at him"...but only after u feel u have given him the best possible share of benefit of doubt...and when u r in ur senses...take a deep breath, get engrossed in some other activity for a few minutes and if u still feel u wanna yell, then go ahead and yell...the near and dear ones won't even mind ur yelling...probably they r waiting for u to yell...no one is hurt in the process...

another expression...sorrow...cry it out...completely...once and for all...most often than not, ur disguised smile, laughter can fool everyone around u...including ur closest pals...but it cannot fool YOU!...u r the only one who knows u r cheating with urself...

express urself in front of ur "trusted" friends and if u cannot initially...talk to ur blog...it will soothe u for sometime and give u enuf preparation to express urself in front of that "trusted" friend...or may be the "trusted" friend can himself read ur words and feel your heart.

u talked about a hug and a kiss...some don't realise what a hug or a supportive pat can mean to one...its not their fault...may be no one ever mentioned the importance of it to them...and they never felt u need one...or may be they did, but they r bound by society and they "think" it will be dependance on ur part if they give u ur most wanted hug/pat...but, only u know that this is not true...u can move on even without getting this hug/pat, but its just that, getting these will give u a moment of absolute relief...absolutely out of this world, away from ur sorrows, worries, etc...all said and done, u still cannot blame someone for not giving u that hug/pat...it happens! just hope but don't expect anymore.

wanted to add...
"i am convinced that life is 10% what happens to u, and 90% how u react to it," - Charles Swindull.
so change ur attitude towards life now and express your true self...not what u want others to see and feel!

10:29 AM, February 13, 2006  
Blogger SAL said...

Meenakshi,

I couldnt agree more :)

11:16 AM, February 13, 2006  
Anonymous ashish said...

saloni,

I guess I was looking at it with very sepcific perspective. I do agree that clear communication can make things so much better in day 2 day life...

about "...a better attempt next time" I don't think that you were unclear in your thought, its just that "same things mean different things to different ppl" I guess thats why expressing is the first half & feedbacks are integral to completion of clear communication. Moreover what we write/say is seems so clear & straight forward to us because we already know what we want to say. Also its really cool "to share what u've learnt in life" (i would write a blog if I wasn't so lazy) and....29 replies...not bad huh!!


ashish

7:07 PM, February 13, 2006  
Blogger SAL said...

Yes Ashish (just know the name, not u).

29 comments is indeed good :) U mentioned os observed the no. More than just the number, it shows how much most of us can relate to this topic. But I guess its too much to learn in life... some things we pick up, some still to. And yes, these r truly my feelings, not all have to understand, not all have to agree!

12:49 PM, February 14, 2006  

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